Playing with purpose

Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

Do I Trust You, Lord?

When your heart is breaking, and the tears cascade down your cheeks the scriptures that speak of trusting GOD; can seem naive. This Word we know is true, but!

Faith is a stabilizer to your heart. That is why the enemy wants us to believe that Faith can only be sustained when we feel our good times outweigh our bad times.

This morning I remembered when I was trying to buy my first home. All the paperwork had been submitted. The down payment had been collected; now it was time for me to sign.

I took time off work and drove way over to southwest Denver. Once there I sat, and sat, and sat waiting patiently. Just before I begin to look crossed-eyed with paranoia, they brought me into a conference room.

This guy busied himself arranging papers and then says they are sorry I did not qualify for the loan. Dude would not even let me look or touch the paperwork. Just said he was sorry and thank you for coming in.

I knew I was outside walking to my car, but I don’t remember how I arrived there. Even the bright sun seemed to be mocking me. As I drove I wept bitter tears. It was true I just knew it. My prayers were not enough to move GOD on my behalf. Kassie and I had been praying for a full year to be blessed with our own home. I had promised her GOD would answer our prayers. Now, she would know. I concluded I had lived a life more often lucky than it was blessed.

The next day was Friday, thank GOD! I had spent the previous evening laying in the dark of my room. Weeping when I was not sleeping. During that day I received a call from the Loan Officer working with my account. The previous day she had suggested coming up with a larger down payment. Maybe that would do the trick. But, I had no money to give.

This time she wanted me to contact the creditor who had torpedoed my application. I did. After the call had ended the loan officer commended me and thanked me.

At home alone that weekend, I set listless on my chair. House in disarray with packing boxes and packing materials. I was told to keep packing. That command released the tears again. It felt like GOD was having a laugh at my expense. But it’s not possible to ‘best’ omnipotence, therefore GOD was being mean!

“What for?” I replied. “I don’t have a reason to pack, I have no home to move to!” He replied, “Since I have to give you the home, what difference does it make! Keep packing!” And so, I did. Crying all weekend but packing none-the-less.

I arrived at work on Monday and had barely settled in when a co-worker across the aisle said she had received a call for me on her line. I crossed the aisle and picked up the receiver, it was my loan officer. She said, “Constance how would you like a house!” Then she started screaming with joy. I begin to hop and scream with her.

That Friday after closing, I drove to my home unlocked the door and a new adventure began.

The truth I learned and continue to learn; is to not fear the uncomfortable, the painful, the hateful, nor the disappointing. Faith is for my benefit because it all bends to the will of GOD. He uses it all, good and bad. Cry if you must but keep trusting.

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