Playing with purpose

Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

Old Remains New

I have shared my story before. I retold the story for a group and thought I would share it again!

With respect to the subject, I would like to offer my experience. I cannot call my experience a near-death experience. As far as I am aware, I was never in any medical despair. My surgery was to remove cancer from my body.

In the last conversation of the night before surgery, my aunt prayed with me. In the prayer, she asked the Lord to grant me peace, and safety. In my heart I added, if I must walk through the valley of death, may I see a new thing? Something I have never seen before.

In pre-opt the fear was so stark upon the faces of the patient’s waiting with me, I closed my eyes to shut out that presence. I had never seen such naked fear on anyone’s face. I felt an assurance I did not want fear to take from me.

It was my turn and I was wheeled into the surgical theater. During their preparation, the medical team soon realized my hospital grown had been placed on backward. They wondered aloud who had dressed me. So, I cleared my throat and said; “I don’t want anyone to laugh, but, I dressed myself!” Of course, we all laughed.

The Anesthesiologist introduced himself and advised me on what to expect. My Surgeon soon entered. I remember us bantering back and forth when I begin to get sleepy. My surgeon noticed the slowing conversation and yawning. In my last conscious moments, I heard him ask the Anesthesiologist, “have you given her anything?” “No,” he replied. “I haven’t turned the gas on yet!’

I now stood upon a grassy knoll, soft breeze gently blowing the garments of the people around me. We were gathered across the yard before a rustic and quaint cabin. We were waiting for the son to a appear. In my mind, I was not sure if we were waiting for the son or the sun. It did not matter, there was no darkness.

All about me even the blades of grass emanated their own life. Each blade had its own light within. I saw living colors. The green of the grass, yellows, the bluest of blue sky. Colors alive from within.

From each of the people, all about me radiated love. No lips moving, no deliberate conversation with me, just a communication of complete acceptance, complete love. I knew I was home. I knew I was with family.

From the people about me emerged a young white woman. I knew instantly she was an old mother from my childhood church and one of my Godmothers. I did not know why she had this appearance, again, it did not matter. Her appearance was secondary, who she was I easily recognized. Her spirit her essence I knew.

She said, “Its time to go.” I responded, shaking my head back and forth. “No Mam, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been looking for this place all my life! I’m not leaving!”

Suddenly my Mother’s mother stood before me. Again, her appearance was not as I expected but this time I took no notice of her outward appearance. I knew my Grandmother when I saw her, and I knew I had to obey. My Grandmother said, “Its time to go, daughter.” I begin to cry, and then to plead. “But I don’t want to go!” My Grandmother replied, “it is not your time, you aren’t meant to be here now.”

The grief upon me felt unbearable and the tears gushed from my eyes. My Grandmother asked, “what about those you have left behind? What about your family?” I looked back and saw life on earth moving at breakneck speed. I saw their sadness and their continued living. I said to my Grandmother, “oh they’ll be alright.” They will be joining me in a few weeks. They will barely have time to miss me.”

My Grandmother smiled and shook her head back and forth. “You aren’t meant to be here yet. But you can come again someday if you are prepared. If you will live a life that allows you to return”

At that point I became resolved, I accepted the inevitable. I had to go back. I tried to get my Grandmother to give me some idea of when I would return. I wanted something to hold too, some hope to sustain me. “How long will it take me to get back?” I asked. “40, 50, years?” My Grandmother just smiled, shook her head like she was sidestepping the inquiries of a little child.

Suddenly, I was rushing through a tunnel of light, I knew this tunnel was me. I became conscious of the Surgeon gently slapping my face and repeatedly calling my name.

Years later while watching the movie Stargate, when they entered the Stargate, I sat straight up heart pounding. It was similar to the tunnel I had traveled on my return. My surgery took place in April 1989. The Stargate movie debuted on October 28, 1994. I first saw the movie on cable tv. The movie debuted on HBO March 2009.

Maybe Science would classify my experience as out-of-body, or near death. But I know, death was never an issue for me. Perhaps this will not convince anyone of life after death. But, it forever changed my perspective on life in this World. It took away my anxiety for the future. It focused my intent and desire for living in harmony with GOD now, right here.

I am determined to get back home.


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