Now, I wasn’t going to say anything about recent battles. Because, after a while, people start assuming things. The battle is tuft enough without sideline commentaries.

But recent battles make me want to share, and so I am.

In a side note let me say the actor Will Smith is solid in most of his performances. Sort of like a Denzel Washington Jr. I mentioned him because the imagery of my battle is like a couple of characters from his shows.

While sitting in the gathering dusk a couple weeks ago, sort of nodding in a light sleep; I heard a loud “chhirrp!” Sleep jumped from my nodding head and I set straight-up in my seat. “Chhhirrrp!” There it was again. My heart began pounding in my chest! Mama won’t play that game, and I commence fearful praying. I’m feeling accosted in the dimming light. Then nothing but silence.

I convince myself it was from the side window outside. Some rude cricket must be chirping underneath. But about 10 minutes later I hear it again. “Chhhirrp!” Now, I must face the truth! That creature is in the kitchen.

How can I hope to close my eyes in slumber, while this monster is in my house? Flipping on every available light I begin my search. It was not until I rolled the shredder from its position that I found him. Then he hopped!

Suddenly I became a fumbling backtracking Carlton. Like I was the cousin in an episode of Prince of Bel Air. The items in my hands flew about the room, and my feet begin to trip upon one another as I tried to run backward. Thank GOD for kitchen appliances and my office desk. Cause that’s what caught me and kept me from killing myself.

I won’t speak to all the details, but I had to find that enemy and send him home to his maker. With a trusty can of generic bug spray in hand, I followed his retreating hopping body; tearing my kitchen apart as we moved about. Then because I had not sprayed him enough to completely halt his hop; I placed the near-empty spray can over his body and helped him die. I’m nice like that.

There is a distinct difference in the country cousin insect and city dwelling insects. So, don’t judge my battle tactics. They fit the size of the enemy.

I would assume the word would be spread in the insect world; stay out of the house on Elm Street. A Sheena-clone lives there! But apparently, there is no inter-species sharing even in the insect kingdom.

This weekend, in the wee hours of Saturday morning, I was still up when Mama Nature screamed my name. Off to the loo, I limped. Upon opening the door, I spy the cousin to the mechanical spider in the Will Smith remake of “The Wild Wild West.” Perhaps the shock of seeing him in my pristine bathroom made him a little bigger than he was. Perhaps.

This time with pounding heart I grabbed two spray cans, these spray cans live all about me. I cautiously reopened the door. Spraying where I thought he had ran forced him into the open. From high above I shot him and sprayed him over and over. He was fast, strong, black and big. Looking like his mechanical cousin, I shot him again. Then I placed the near empty can over his body. The care and dignity of insect death. For two days I left the can over his body. I do my part despite fear.

I have taken to preserving the evidence of my kills. Like trophies identifying my glorious victories. Besides, no one would believe the monsters I have encountered. This morning again, a large hopping predator. The word seems out, so there was no chirping. As I write, the can of his entombment stands valiantly in the middle of the kitchen floor.

I look forward to the days when my summer warfare is behind me and the ground lays hibernating beneath the frozen crust of Winter. Until such time know this! By the grace of GOD and cheap bug spray, I will prevail! I will live in dominion in my house!