In my realest, sanctified, valley girl inflection, I want to say; “having someone close to me requiring me to compromise my convictions or be silent as they do so, is like, the biggest turn off in my world! Like totally sleaze and ball! Like oh my GOD!”

I really, really hate those situations and resent people who want to take me there. A woman I know mentioned that her Pastor and wife were expecting a visit from a granddaughter who was living with her boyfriend. The wife was conflicted over whether they would allow the couple to cohabitate doing their visit.

It reminded me of a similar conflict that had faced me. As per our practice, my “chicka” and I would meet at least every two years. Sometimes I would travel to wherever the military had sent her, or she would come home. Then the man who would later become her husband came into her life.

She told me when she met him; she knew he was the one. I can’t remember when their respect for me became obvious. But, apparently, they had discussed my convictions between them. I knew he was a winner when I first met him. He called me Auntie like he had been saying it all his life. He willing positioned himself, compliant with her status and relationship with me.

One of their Lieutenants had offered his home for my stay, he was vacationing. They knew my standing practice of sleeping my first day after making an extended trip. But it was on the second day as they set long into the night, that they honored me. Their Lieutenant’s bedroom was free for their use but knowing my convictions they curled up on adjoining settee seating and slept nearby.

I have always appreciated their willingness to suspend the amorous portion of their relationship, without my asking them to do so. Unbeknownst to them, I had made peace with what I knew I might encounter, but they had decided between themselves to honor my convictions regarding celibacy. Even recalling this practice, I am yet impressed. I have never had to choose between obeying GOD, and my relationship with them.

Once when they came home for a visit, there was only one other bed in the house, and it was positioned close to my bed. I worried that it might be offensive to ask them to honor my convictions but knew I must. I called Ms. Chicka to my bedside and quietly reminded her of my celibacy practice. She, loudly, assured me they had already determined the need to honor my home and my convictions. But, when I arose in the night to trek drunkenly to the loo, I saw that they had taken it one step beyond.

They had not only abstained, but they had inverted their sleeping positions so that their bodies did not line up for the “hanky or the panky!” Did that mean there was no tickle and grab, I can’t say. What I can attest to; is their wish to honor my home. Their desire to honor my convictions before GOD. Most people today would insist it was hypocrisy for me not to allow them to extend their lifestyle into my environment. To which I say, what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander!

I love you regardless of what I believe you do and know is wrong. Your hypocrisy for living in a manner that defies GOD’s wishes is yours to own and GOD’s to orchestrate. If you want to buck against the thorn, have at it! But, you should not want me to choose between my convictions before GOD and my relationship with you. I don’t hold you accountable for the nature and heart of GOD. And you will not hold me accountable for a nature and heart that thinks it is god!

My friend’s Pastor’s wife decided she would not rock the boat, and GOD would have to forgive her later. I love you all, but if you think I am willing to take a chance that grace may not be there when I reach for it; you are delusional. It is not love when I am willing to destroy myself for your comfort and ego. If charity does not begin at home with me, you should distrust its hand stretched out towards you. Christ died for me just like He died for you! Your existence should never be a question of you over me, or me over you! Not if you love me!

Thank you Kas, thank you D; for letting me love you, after I love the Lord, first. and myself secondly. That’s what real support looks like. And this sanctified valley girl, likes, really, really thinks you’re the cool man beans!