This topic has set patiently waiting on me to approach. The outline has set in my folder for weeks. But, proved to be too painful to attempt. I think I am ready.
I discovered that the Lord was working on my perception and acceptance of the children. Fixed in my mind are the days of Preschool. Innocence so achingly sweet, it commands tears at their presence. My sister says it is a gift, cause children are hard. I think that it may well be a gift; because I am not far removed from my own memories of my preschool days.
Times when everyone around me possessed legitimacy. When all adults seem faultless and seamless in their love and care for me. But, the longer I lived, the more evident the cracks in their mortar appeared. Many of these people, were just not nice, un-good, in all the ways that mattered. They had unprecedented authority over me. Mostly due to their size. Their word was as subjective as the truth they possessed in their own living. And I was not allowed to point out the obvious. Being a child became one of the greatest ‘waiting’ games, in which I would ever be engaged. So, I settled my spirit, and committed myself to the time, when I would have full authority. Many of my children, now stand at that precipice.
Whatever the case, GOD is calling for higher ground.
I am learning to transition my love and appreciation for the children, that must now include the cracks in their mortar. That is easier said than done. When last, I saw my children, I was subjected to some of the unsavory characteristics they have learned to employ. My grief is palatable when I see children mimic adults. But, loving anyone is a shared experience. I accept that they are not solely for my benefit, nor I for theirs.
I accept that they are human and given to sins against humanity and themselves. My heart remains open to the Lord’s teaching. I am learning how to love difficult sweetness. I am learning real agape love. I am honored and thankful to offer the love they gave to me, not long ago. I am committed to give the same encouragement and pure joy, they gave to me. And when necessary, offer love in the strength of my stand before GOD.
In my soul I am thankful to have known such sweetness, I am equally excited to know the people they are becoming.